Getting a Cancer Diagnosis is a total ball ache babes, its a total menacing minefield of emotions, where everything and anything can feel totally overwhelming. Even if you are typically a badass bitch who’s got her shit together, having that C bomb dropped can totally flip it and reverse it. Stepping into the 'C' Club, a club that nobody wants to belong to, whether you’re the newly appointed member or their plus 1’s, it's a total shitting nightmare!!! So let me help. I've written down a few tips and advice for both the 'C' Club member and their plus 1 Huns.
SPEAK OUT BABES:
Let those lips get lose and chin wag to the max. Bottling up all your feelings won’t help you overcome the roller coaster of emotions you are about to go on. There will be highs and lows and everything in between but all of it will be so much more bearable if you can get it off your chest.
SHAKE IT OFF:
Everyone and their dog knows someone who’s had, has or did have Cancer but that does not make them an expert. Only you know how you are truly feeling and only you are in control of your thoughts, don’t let other people’s experiences scare you and only take on board what you actually find helpful. There are no rule books on how to cope with Cancer but listening to other people’s renditions of how their sisters, husband’s aunt cured her Cancer by drinking green juices, cutting out meat and doing yoga every day aren’t helpful or realistic.
DON’T BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP: Cancer is CRAP and everyone knows it. Your friends and family want to be there for you, so let them. It's 100% ok to be scared, lost, confused, overwhelmed, irrational and well maybe just a bit nuts! Who wouldn’t lose their shit in this situation! It's ok not to be ok and any friend who wants to lend a hand is worth their weight in friendship gold. So rally the troops and call on them as often as you need to.
WALK THE WALK: Literally! Go for walks, even if they are to the end of the road and back. I promise getting out of your room, even just for 5 minutes will help clear the fog and give your body a well needed boost. On your bad days this will seem impossible and sometimes you won’t make it but that’s ok, you can try the next day and if you can't then, maybe holler at one of your babes to see if they can shift that touché of yours out together.
LISTEN TO YOUR BODY: Everything you know is about to change. Your mind and your body are about to take the toughest journey of your life and all you can do is be kind to you. Rest when you need to rest, eat when you need to eat and do anything you can to help make things easier. If this means eating ALL the carbs whilst binge watching Love Island and finishing off that second tub of Häagen-Dazs then FUCK IT BABES, go for it!
DON’T STRESS TOO MUCH: You can get back on that health kick once you’re through this shit storm. Be mindful of what you are eating but don’t feel guilty if you’re not getting one your 5 a day. Some days you won't want to eat at all and some days you’ll want to eat a horse. Just go with it and try to be good when you can. I tried to balance out my binges by eating better on my good weeks and going for longer walks when my legs felt strong enough. If you want to exercise, then go for it, just be careful and don’t push yourself too hard. Your body is already taking a battering so keep it zenned with some Yoga instead of punishing it at Pilates.
D.O.T.I: Don’t Over Think It… Our minds love a little trip into the unknown, sending us off into a spiraling universe of unnecessary woe. Don’t let it! Take each day as it comes.
REACH OUT TO YOUR COMMUNITY: There’s a whole world of Cancer fighters out there who are going through this shit storm too, you just have to find the ones you connect with best. Instagram is full of blogging babes, telling their stories through their squares. Search them out and follow them for a bit, see if you like what they have to say and reach out if you admire their words. I have made several connections with some pretty inspiring babes on Insta. Here are some of my faves:
· Kaz Foncette – A pink haired mega babe who started up her own charity WIGS FOR HEROES whilst going through chemotherapy for Breast Cancer. She’s a total hun, full of bants (Her Intsa stories are a lol a min) and her posts are poetic AF. A fountain of knowledge and giver of good things, including gorgey pamper boxes that she sends out to anyone going through chemo #totalamegababe
· Cancer with a smile – Audrey is a yoga babe with bundles of fun and possi vibes all the way. She will lift your spirits and give you some great advice too. She’s also a Boobette for @coppafeelpeople #absolutelegend
· The big c and me – Rhiannon Bradley is another positive soul with so much great advice and a whole heap of good energy, she’s also a mummy and has been through not one but two cancer journeys. She’s also an Educational advisor @coppafeelpeople #utterlyinspirational
· Cancer.chicks – Olivia Rose Smith is just 22, has Hodgkins Lymphoma and started a whole Cancer Community network for fellow young cancer sufferers. After getting her own diagnosis she went straight to the internet trying to find people just like her but struggled so decided to start her own support network instead and she’s also an absolute fashionista to boot #yasqueen
· Girl Vs Cancer – Lauren Mahon has nailed the Cancer blogging game, she too started her own charity and sells triffic looking Tit-tee’s where 25% of the sales goes straight to four different charities: TREKSTOCK / COPPAFEEL / FUTUREDREAMS and LOOKGOODFEELBETTER (also worth a follow on insta too btw). She also talks on the now famous podcast ‘The Big C Little Me’ where she co-hosts with Bowel Babe and sadly the recently passed Rachel Bland. The podcast puts the Cancer world to rights, talking very frankly and with some epic comedic moments about what its really like to live with this bastard disease.
LIVING FOR THE GOOD WEEKS: Plan little things for your good weeks. They don’t have to be crazy big adventures, they can be as simple as having friends over for a take away or popping out for a coffee with your mum but trust me when I say it will make your bad weeks more bearable and help keep that brain of yours in check.
Just be careful not to plan too much and remember your new limits.
THE PLUS 1’s:
You my Loves are key to keeping us sane. There’s no way on earth I could have faced this battle without my Babes. Every single text, phone call, visit, was vital in getting me through the madness. Good weeks and Bad were made all the better when shared with my Huns. If your reading this as a friend or family member of someone who’s just been dealt the Cancer blow and you don’t know what to say or do, don’t worry, nobody does, it's ok, we get it. It feels weird for us too but remember this, we’re still just us, your babe, your friend, your loved one and all we want to know is that you are here and care.
If your feeling a bit lost in the madness too, here’s some guidance on how we might be feeling and what you can do:
HEY, HOW YOU DOING, SORRY YOU CANT GET THROUGH…
Don’t panic darlings, we’ve got a lot going on right now so give us time, we might not answer your phone call or text you straight back but that doesn’t mean we don’t appreciate you and the kind words you’ve said. Our worlds have just been flipped upside down and we’re trying to work out how to cope. We need you and your good vibes for sure, just give us a little min and we’ll get back to you.
SLOW AND STEADY WINS THE RACE: All that love is totally SHAMAZING but how’s about you spread it out. We do really need you but not all at once and not just at the beginning of this shit show. Why not check in every now and again, touch base at our halfway point or ask if we need some company when we’re nearing the end of treatment, it's then more than ever that we need a little help from our friends.
ALL THE GOOD VIBES: Gifts and Cards are greatly received, who doesn’t love a little pressie, but so is simply seeing your face. It can get pretty lonely being stuck at home recovering so having someone to hang out with, watch a movie or drop by with some munch is just as appreciated. Chemo combat is a long and tiring road so company is key, we need some human contact that doesn’t just consist of the characters from our latest Netflix boxset.
With this in mind, sometimes we aren’t feeling ourselves and just the thought of conversation is totally shattering, but please don’t get disheartened if we don’t accept your invitation to coffee or offer to pop by, its all just timing. I made so many arrangements that I had to cancel last minute because I felt too rough or just couldn’t face the world. Sometimes we just need to ride solo but it's not you, it's us, we loves ya, honest! We just want to see you when we’re in the zone.
FOMO: We might not be that bouncing babe on the dance floor anymore but man we still want to try. Don’t factor us out just because we’re in the crux of a chemo battle, sometimes being asked to things is what gets us through the shitness and gives us a little light at the end of the tunnel. I had to say no to a lot of things, but I still said yes to a few. Just being asked is enough to put a smile on our face, even if we think we can’t make it, it's nice to know we haven’t been forgotten.
YOU USED TO CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE: Just because we’re sick doesn’t mean we’ve stopped being your friend, we’re still here, we’re still us. You just got to use your noggin on this one and pick the right topics. Calling to cry about the two pounds you’ve gained when we’re pilling on the podge from our steroid intake probs isn't the best idea BUT letting us know when your having a tough time with the boyf or shits gone down at work and you need some advice on how to tackle it, then pick up the blower babes! We’re just chilling in the gaff, staring at the same four walls four days on one end so trust me when I say we’re probs craving the drama and longing for some goss that doesn’t involve talking about sodding Cancer again. #talktometalktome