The next day I let work know that I would not be coming in. I explained that my doctor wanted me to get some urgent checks due to the lumps sheer size and the fact that it was now impacting on my breathing.
It was only then that I started to think something could actually be wrong, panic started to hit home and I was finding it hard to breath. I thought that this part at least was just panic, I was freaking myself out as the prospect of this thing in my neck being more then just a sprain was becoming a reality.
I still opted to go to the hospital alone, I didn’t want to worry anyone unnecessarily and I was definitely still in denial, thinking it would all be fine. As the day panned out I knew it wasn’t good, test after test, scan after scan and a whole load of people telling me nowt led to me not knowing what to think and imagining the worst. After being in ambulatory care for nearly 6 hours I was eventually met with a specialist doctor.
Opinion and diagnosis
She informed me that they were worried about my lump and that they would like me to come back in the next couple of days to have a Biopsy, this was the moment I knew Cancer was on the cards, so I asked if she had any idea what it could be. The Doctor shook her head and informed that she could not answer that question without the results of the Biopsy. She then said I could go home and that she would be in contact the next day to let me know when I could come in for my Biopsy and she left. Two minutes later she returned looking very uncomfortable and unsure of herself which let me tell you is not what you expect when your in this situation, you want the person giving you this news to be confident and assuring not uncomfortable and unable to hold eye contact.
“You asked me what I think this could be Miss Bagarone” she sat down “And whilst it could be 1 of 100 things it could also be Cancer so you may want to let work know you might not be back for a little while”
POW... It was like someone had just smacked me in the moosh with a frying pan, the wind was knocked out of me and I knew instantly it was Cancer, with or without the Biopsy results, I just knew. The tears came down my face and I sat in silence trying to gather myself whilst the doc rubbed my back and asked me not to worry until we got the results back #yeahrightbabes
Luckily Cass was on his way to me so I left the hospital and walked down to the Archway to meet him, crying the whole way. How could I have been so stupid and let this thing grow for so long, why didn’t I listen to my body and read the signs, I had lost weight, my appetite had dropped and I wasn’t sleeping but I had put all these things down to being stressed at work and just another pain I had to deal with, never in a million years did I actually think it could be Cancer, how wrong I was.
Cass did his best to comfort me and begged me not to worry until I got my results but as the next two weeks went by, doing the Biospy and waiting for the results, I knew what it was, it couldn’t be anything else, so I started to mentally prepare myself for the news I never thought I'd have to hear in my life.