THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE UGLY PART 2

The Good

Obviously, I am in no way shape or form trying to preach that there are actual upsides to a Cancer diagnosis. It’s total effing baloney hearing those words come out of your Doctors mouth, you want more then anything to go back in time and erase the whole scene from your mind but you can't. So you do what you gotta do, pick yourself up and try to find those silver linings wherever you can.

Friends, Fam and Feeling the Love

Never have I ever felt the love the way I have in these past 6 months. Friends and Family rallied round me as soon as I told them what was actually going on. I had kept it from some of them until I was 100% sure what was happening as I didn’t want to worry people unnecessarily, but looking back this was probably unfair because it meant it came as a bit of a shock to those I hadn’t kept in the loop about my lump. However, once the news was out and I had all the facts, my besties and family were absolutely amazing. I was also totally overwhelmed with support after I put my diagnosis out there via my Insta Stories. I chose to do it there once all my close friends and family had been told and I’m so glad I did because it was all those messages of support and well wishes that gave me the extra boost I needed. They helped me to see that I totally had this. I knew that I could get through this shit show because I wasn’t alone and that if I needed to, at any given moment, I had several babes I could call upon. I even felt the love from total strangers who wanted to reach out and wish me well, people who were on their own cancer journey and others who had just been through a though time themselves, it was totally amazing.

My girlfriends started me a Just Giving page to help raise funds for my Wig and my work babes held a bangtastic cake sale to help raise money for a special wig cap. It did and still does blow my mind about how amazingly generous people have been to me. I have been supported from start to finish and I will never ever forget that. Cancer is a total fuckwitt, an utter shitting nightmare! It will strip you of your beauty both outside and in but if you’re lucky enough to have some good human beings around then together you can totally kick it in the nuts, send those neggi thoughts and dark days out the window and power through. Sometimes we are strong enough to face our battles on our own but sometimes we get by with a little help from our friends.

3 Weddings and a Festival It was a pretty busy Summer for me, I had two Hens (including the one where I got wiggy with it) and two of my best friends plus one of my oldest friends were all getting married within 3 months of each other, so it was majorly important that I was able to attend all of them.

The first was my darling Emma's wedding which fortunately fell on my good week and I was so grateful for that. I wasn’t running on a full battery, but I was still able to have a couple of Prossecos (and one to many Patrones ( I hadn't learnt my limits at this point) But it was such a lush day and Emma was the most beautiful bride. I had to move one of my Chemo sessions for the second wedding as I was bridesmaid and there was no chance in hell I was going to do that on my bad week. So, after a little chat with my Nurse, who put in a good word with Doc R we were able to push it back a week. That was amazing as it meant that I not only got to enjoy the whole magical weekend, but it also fell bang slap in the middle of my treatment. It was like a mini holiday from Chemo, a whole two weeks off, and time out from my symptoms plus some mental space to get my shiz together. I had the time off my life, all weekend, it was perfect! I managed to stay up till midnight on the big day, even after the two hours of shakin my touche to some old school garage #bigtunes! My legs felt like jelly the next day but all I had to do was chill with my babes, munch on bbq food, sit in the sun and watch the World cup final. Cass even won a tasty little tipple on the game, it was the icing on a bangtastic cake!

Halfway through treatment and still giggling with the girlies

It was on that very weekend that myself, Cass and another girlfriend decided to go to a Standon Calling festival. We had been offered some free tickets and it fell on one of my good weeks so we thought 'why not!' Looking back now, that was a nuts decision as it made the Chemo session directly after that weekend the most painful one I ever had. I probably should have taken it much easier, I drank too much as I felt so normal and symptom free, plus, in my head it was my holiday, my time out from Chemo, so I threw caution to the wind, let my wigs down (all three of them) and partied like a normal person. I had the best time, from start to finish and I didn’t let my illness stop me from being me. I danced in the rain, ate ALL the food, drank (too much) Rum, laughed till my cheeks hurt and shook my booty at a DJ Luck and MC Neat gig just like old times #garagegirlforever. I got to make fun memories that I will look back on with smile on my face.

This was my half way point through Chemo and because of my friends wedding I had a whole two weeks off Chemo #winning. I was feeling all kinds of fabulous and I was totally symptom free BUT I paid the price at my next Chemo session.

Festies are the bestie even if you are in the middle of treatment for Cancer. But in doing that, I had to take the rough with the smooth and man, I suffered in my chemo session after. However, I had earned that time out, I had beaten my Cancer by this point, so every experience was one to be cherished, even if I did feel like death that week, I had to suck it up and be thankful, I was living.

Advice from afar One of my brothers darling friends, passed me on a message from a friend of his who had gone through Chemotherapy for Hodgkins Lymphoma a few years back. And one of the mains things that stood out to me was this:

“Doctors will tell you not to do this and not to do that, but don’t give a shit, just live your life, tell her that life has to be lived because she is not the illness she has”

Those words stuck with me and if there’s anything that has rung more true with how I’ve faced this battle it is this, I have not let Cancer stop me living, not even on my bad weeks.

In August I made it to one of my oldest friend’s weddings on my Chemo week, on what felt like the hottest god dam day of the year. The heat was particularly barmy that day as it was during that mad week when the temperatures reached epic highs. It really hit me hard as it made my symptoms so much worse.

Imagine being really hungover, in a sauna, and your body is shaking from a red bull come down where every movement takes literally all your strength. You know those hangovers where your shakes are so strong and no amount of Fat Cokes can help you feel better, well that's how I felt that morning. Those shakes made me miss the ceremony, I was gutted, but instead of getting stressed I just lay down, told myself to save my strength and to get there when I felt stronger. So that's what I did. I made it for the evening and I actually really enjoyed myself. I wasn’t the life and sole and I couldn’t really have a drink, but I still managed to dance my socks off at the end of the night and despite thinking I was only going to be there for a few hours, I managed to stay till the very end. I was proper chuffed at myself for getting my backside there and even better, to stay. It was a pretty terrific day and I got to see some fabulous friends I hadn’t seen for yonks so it was even more special to me. When life gives you lemons you’ve got to smash those bitter badboys and drink up all the fun whilst you can. You can deal with the aftermath in your own way and take the rough with the smooth. I was hit with some pretty hefty side effects that week, bed bound for days and jitters that made me sick but i'd do it all over again because it was totally worth it to share all the love on Al and Nix's big day.

#goodweek #badweek #chemotherapy #chemosymptoms #chemosideeffects #chemoshakes #chemocomedown #chemosickness